When I began my grief journey I thought that I would never be happy again.
Then I thought I never wanted to be happy again (guilt was real).
Further along I assumed that to be happy, I had to "get over" grief.
In time I learned that not only was happiness possible, it would co-exist within my grief journey as there is certainly no finish line to the emptiness of loss.
As a coach who supports so many others to feel clear, confident and to take action on pursuits, I am often asked how, as a bereaved mother, I "do it".
There is no secret trick and there is certainly no magical date that changed things- but a huge part of me learning to feel better, has been becoming a better feeler.
Our thoughts and our words directly impact out energy.
So it seems like a pretty good place to focus energy as we strive to improve our moods, our days and our lives.
There are BILLIONS of thoughts we can choose from. BILLIONS.
Nobody can force us to think a certain way.
We are so quick to give away our power of thoughts, feelings and action by placing the responsibility on others.
Some of my favorite books - The 4 Hour Work Week, The 4 Agreements and authors, Louise Hay and Tony Robbins all talk about the power of the words we consume and the words we exude. Quite often they reference the addiction to drama and chaos in this world.
Which got me thinking….
In all my coaching and my own practice, there are certain words that I have found when we eliminate, we can change our entire experience- and as a result, our lives.
Increase Happiness by Decreasing these Phrases:
I should & I have-to : I want to, I get to, I have the opportunity to, I choose to or even... I am NOT going to.
It will get better when: I can take action now by.
Must be nice: I wonder how they achieved _____x____ or, if i really wanted to, I could achieve that, too.
At least, But : And (or silence, say nothing)
Don’t forget: Let’s remember, I will remember
Why is this happening to me?: I wonderful why this is happening for me?
Why not me?: That’s not meant for me at this moment.
Disaster Stories/Gossip: Stop. Cease. Abort.
Never: In this moment….
Regret, Guilt, Shame: I am releasing this and learning that.
Everyone, Always: Be specific and direct.
Assumptions about others: There are thousands of possibilities that are true.
Assuming others know your needs: direct communication and clarification.
Sorry: unless in the event of a true apology, when you say “I am truly sorry” try replacing the incredibly overused phrase with, "thanks for understanding" .
In time these small adjustments will add up to the way that you direct your energy. Leverage the law of attraction to your advantage. Step out of places of victim or blame and feel the power of owning your energy and your truth.
And when it feels really hard, call upon my very favorite phrase- you got this.