Grief Taught Me Not To Take Things Personally

August 29, 2019

Not taking things personally.


Something I've worked really hard at.... and it started with my grief journey.


Before losing Leyden I had no idea how personally I was taking things.

I couldn't see that none of it was personal.


After Leyden died, many people so badly wanted me to be "ok", but as a result they couldn't handle my sadness and would try to rush my healing. Others ghosted me as if grief was contagious. Some could talk all things... but my loss. I got a lot of "at leasts" (even an "at least she wasn't older”) and a heck of a lot of opinions on how I should and shouldn't manage my grief.


I learned, really quickly, not to take it personally.

I discovered it was all just triggers of their own experiences, understanings and comfort (or discomfort) levels.


For most it came from a place of love and wanting me to be healed.

For everyone, I had gratitude for each person doing their best.


No one else was responsible for my grief.

It was up to me to be clear in what I needed.

And their right to do what they needed.


Of course, sometimes boundaries  were very necessary- but that was just an opportunity to get more clear and communicate more directly.


In time I saw that not only was responsible for my grief journey, they weren’t responsible for my life journey.


Now I coach others to integrate this practice of not taking things personally (Hi Four Agreements.... my v. favorite book!) to do the same and save so much energy from being unnecessarily angry, hurt, resentful, analytical, critical and more.


Those things keep us stuck.

There’s no point in allowing anyone else to keep us stuck.


It's honestly not easy to learn how to not take things personally.

Start small.


The person who doesn't notice your haircut, or the one who snaps at you.... the individual who criticizes, forgets to call you back or didn't notice the social media post you spent hours putting up.

We have NO idea what they are truly managing.

Or what their capacity is at any given moment.


All we know is that their reactions (or lack thereof) isn't about us.

So save your energy for you.


When you do- it's life changing.



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